Frank Chen

Frank Chen

use double opt intros to stop pissing people off

The double opt-in intro is the kinder, more professional way to introduce Alice to Bob.

The point of the double opt-in intro is to make sure you're not wasting Alice or Bob's time. Usually, it starts with Bob asking you if he can get an introduction to Alice. The prerequisite is that you actually keep up with Alice and she's not just an acquaintance of an acquaintance from years ago. You do the vetting for Bob, because if he's an asshole, you're going to lose reputation points with Alice.


Hi Alice,

Since we last spoke, I took your advice and am currently doing more algorithms testing in my line of work. It's a great opportunity that you helped me find, so thank you!

My friend, Bob, is a student in the culinary arts who has a data side project on supply chain automation. I know you're entrenched in the data science side of the restaurant industry, so I thought Bob would be a savvy connection to have.

Specifically, Bob is looking to make the jump from analytics to machine learning in a full-time job, and because the advice you offered me was useful, I'm positive you would have useful input and support for Bob's career prospects and his side project.

Would you be open to an introduction to Bob?

No pressure and love lost if it's not a priority. Let's catch up again soon.


A quick and easy email.

  1. first sentence recaps your relationship, and praises her for anything that she's helped you with.
  2. second sentence transitions to the ask, and why it's relevant. Include Bob's profile for relevance.
  3. third sentence gets deep into the ask but is straightforward.
  4. simple question, yes or no.
  5. leave them a "no stakes" out.

Alice either says yes or no depending on her availability and what her relative ability to help Bob is. Most people at this point are willing to pay it forward, but really, all Alice has to do is say yes or no.

If Alice says yes, do the introduction.


Hi Alice & Bob,

Alice, meet Bob. Bob a 2nd-year culinary student with an interesting side project in restaurant supply chain automation. He's looking to get into more ML and bring his project to life.

Bob, meet Alice. Alice is a senior data scientist at XYZ. She's given me tremendously useful advice about my own data career, and she's helped me up my algorithms game.

I'm happy to make this connection because both of you have very aligned niche interests. I'm sure the conversation will flow like water!


1-2 liners for each introduction. Add links to their profile. Summarize why you think the connection is great, set yourself to bcc in the email thread, and leave quietly.

Pat yourself on the back for connecting two people in your network. You can follow up with either of them afterwards to see if you made a good connection or a bad connection.


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